It's Friday. Sex?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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