after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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