I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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