Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
