ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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