I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
