and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
