party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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