1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
