If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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