batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
