swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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