My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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