Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
