you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The air was thick with penises
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize