Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
