Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
