I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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