turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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