Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
