hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
