she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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