I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
