I got chris browned last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
