hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
