I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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