lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
