Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I look better un-naked...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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