I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
