my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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