Whod you bang
ugly people sure do ruin things
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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