If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
