I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
