I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
