We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
