How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
