I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
