This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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