The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
