apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
