Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize