i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
