i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This house was built for laser tag.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
