guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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