you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
