just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize