i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well I just put wine in my tea
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
