I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
