in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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