I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
