So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
