please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
