Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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