Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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