dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
