i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
