hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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