If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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