I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
