I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
