Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
