Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
