you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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