there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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