No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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