I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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