____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
