He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
