party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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